For years, I prided myself on being “the strongest person I know.” Having lost both parents at a young age, I was forced to lead with a “business hat” mentality. This meant burying or ignoring my emotions, as I simply didn’t have time for them. I now understand that this avoidance hurt me in the long run, as the pain and trauma lingered until they resurfaced.

A recent study highlighted that men who prioritize holistic self-care—from meditation to healthy eating and grooming—spend 44% more time caring for others. Doesn’t that sound ideal? Not only do you feel better, but it makes being the man you strive to be that much easier. However, finding the time and overcoming initial hurdles can be challenging.

As a former military member, I used to run 3-5 miles several times a week, enjoying the scenic monuments of Washington D.C. I loved the runner’s high and the overall experience. Becoming a father, however, turned my world upside down. It took me a long time—and a second child—to realize I needed to slow down and give my children my undivided attention. Anything less would be cheating them out of quality time with their dad. I quickly learned that multitasking with a newborn is an exercise in futility.

During the first year of raising our first child, I fell out of shape. I felt sluggish, achy, and low on energy—not myself at all. Frankly, what should have been one of the happiest years of my life was one of the most miserable, all because I neglected myself. The lack of exercise, long hours, and little sleep led me to seek comfort in pretzels, pizza, ice cream, and occasional alcohol. Once rare treats became daily vices. My waistline expanded, my mental health plummeted, and my once-strong marriage was strained, partly due to my diminished self-confidence. My habits were hurting both myself and my family.

It was time for a change. I realized that if I didn’t take care of myself, I couldn’t be the husband and father my family deserved. With my wife’s support, I carved out time for the gym. I started small, committing to never letting a week pass without a workout. It worked. In fact, I discovered how much I enjoyed it. I alternate between my favorite (and contrasting) podcasts: Huberman Lab and Bad Friends. One teaches you everything you need to know about life, while the other is a hilarious hodgepodge of comedy.

Weeks turned into months of consistency, and I found myself at the gym 2-3 times a week. I began seeing gains, which were addictive. Even in the military, I hadn’t spent much time with the bench press. Now, I looked forward to the Tuesday morning challenge, pushing myself to hit my 5-rep max and add a plate. I was hooked.

A year later, I feel great—stronger, fitter, and happier, having replaced old habits with new ones. My workout routine naturally encouraged better eating habits, avoiding the sabotage of sugars and fast food. My diet has mostly followed a Mediterranean style, but I gave myself grace, mindful of past struggles with an eating disorder tied to my military days. It was important to trust my body, eating when hungry and stopping when full.

While I still have a “Dad Bod,” it’s more of a 1993 LS1 Camaro Dad Bod than the 1980 Pinto it once was. The goal is a GMC 1500 Denali Dad Bod—strong, sleek, and reliable—one step at a time.

Ultimately, I’m working on myself for my mental health and to be the strong man I need to be as I raise two boys. As a father who had children in his late 30s, staying strong and fit is crucial for the adventures my “dreamer” mind has planned for our family. We’re talking Appalachian or Pacific Crest Trail type hikes, but that’s for another “Dad Code” installment!

Bottom Line Up Front: Take the time to be the best man you can be, not just for your family, but for yourself.

Key reasons why dads need “me-time”:

• Improved mental health: Taking time for personal activities can help dads manage stress, reduce anxiety, and combat depression, leading to a more positive mindset when interacting with their family.
• Enhanced patience and focus: When dads are well-rested and recharged, they are better equipped to handle the demands of parenting, displaying more patience and focus with their children.
• Stronger family bonds: A dad who takes care of himself is more likely to be emotionally available and present for his family, leading to stronger relationships with their partner and children.
• Positive role modeling: By prioritizing self-care, dads demonstrate to their children the importance of taking care of their own well-being and setting healthy boundaries.
• Better physical health: Engaging in regular exercise and healthy habits during “me-time” can contribute to improved physical health, which is essential for being an active and involved parent.
• Increased productivity: When dads take time to recharge, they are more likely to be productive and focused at work, which can alleviate stress at home